All the Single Ladies

I went for brunch at Les Folies with my friend *Iris last week-end. We were discussing the shortage of good quality single men out there.

Iris is gorgeous. She's got beautiful, silky black hair; golden tanned skin; an infectious smile, is extremely toned (she plays A LOT of sports), and most importantly, has a brilliant personality. She does meet guys, a lot of guys, but they're the type of guys that come and go. The kind that're too weak for the slightest sliver of emotional attachment. So where are all the quality men is what we were wondering as we strolled down Mont-Royal Avenue. Iris was ready for a new start with someone.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tall, bulky man with a slick black ponytail, wearing ripped faded blue jeans and a fitted T-shirt, jumped toward us, blocking our way. "Hello ladies!" he greeted enthusiastically, spreading his charming smile. He was a younger Latino version of Fabio. "Can I ask you for a big favour?" he pled with the look of desperation in his eyes.

So this was the deal: *Fabio was helping his friend host a speed-dating event at a nearby lounge, which was about to literally start in 15 minutes. It was $35 to participate. Coincidentally, the event was short two women. Fabio wanted us to give him two hours of our precious time to fill in those two vacant spots for $Free.99 (in other words, nothing!).

We hesitated at first. We had both brought our notebooks with us. I wanted to do some fiction-writing, and Iris needed to figure out how to use her new Mac book, something she'd been avoiding for two weeks since her big purchase. And neither of us were appropriately dressed to go on a date anyway. The journalist side of me though, said I'd have something interesting to blog about. The bonus would be that we were both being spontaneous. Yep, we were going speed-dating!

We walked inside the chic but half-empty lounge where we were greeted by a young, friendly female host. She seemed overwhelmed with the registration and money collection process; the line-up of singles was getting longer. When it came to our turn she said, "Oh yes, the two girls my friend found out on the street!" Yes we were indeed those two girls. She gave us white labels with our names written on them which were stamped on to our shirts. I immediately felt like I was in Kindergarten.

The event started half-hour late and seemed poorly organised. The singles nervously huddled around the bar, while others confidently walked around the lounge and scouted their future bait. Iris and I did not like what we were seeing. Some of the guys looked like they were in their 50s; one of them though had the Richard Gere thing going for him, which worked quite nicely. A lot of the younger guys looked like they just stepped out of the 80s, and not on purpose either. We had our work cut out for us.

The host finally took charge. We were 20 guys and 20 girls in total. The girls were given a number from 1 to 20; we were to sit at our assigned seats. The hostess was going to ring a bell every five minutes which meant the guys had to get up and move on down to the next woman. I'm glad we weren't the ones that had to get up!

Most of my five-minute dates were boring moments filled with awkward silences. Some of the men were really nervous to be speaking to the opposite gender. I tried to be extra nice with them. At the end of each date, I began avoiding their gruesome sweaty handshakes by grabbing for my drink instead.

Half-way down the dating list I was exhausted. It's quite draining to sum up your life situation to someone new every few minutes and have to come up with random questions to ask in return. There either is a spark or there isn't. When there isn't, you just feel like you're wasting your time. I looked up at my friend Iris to see how she was doing. She looked quite agitated and mouthed the words "I'm leaving right now" to me. Oh no she wasn't. If she was leaving I was leaving too!

One of the hosts saw us grabbing for our purses. They quickly came by to offer us another deal. If we stuck through with the rest of the event, our drinks would be on the house. I guess you could call us troopers - we stuck through it.

I wanted to spice up the afternoon. I made up stories about what I did for a living, how old I was, my hobbies, etc (yes, all these questions did come up). I loosened up with the 2nd half of my dates. I told some about how I was feeling like I was at a work interview, and they agreed. We cracked jokes, exchanged notes on some of the ludicrous things we'd seen and heard with the earlier batch of dates. One of my first dates was wearing a wedding band! I later found out that Iris had confronted him about it. He explained that he was in the process of seperating from his wife and had forgotten to remove his ring (um, sure, whatever ya' say buddy).

When I look back at the day now, it wasn't a total waste of time. I did make some potential friends. I met a tennis player, a published fiction writer and a professional photographer - all of whom will make great contacts. As for Iris...well before we left, Fabio left her his number with a cute note about hoping to hear back from her very soon.